When we talk about attraction in the context of sexuality and relationships, we usually mean sexual attraction, romantic attraction, or emotional attraction. Each of these is distinct and each may occur between same-sex or opposite-sex individuals. A relationship between two people can contain more than one kind of attraction, and the type and level of attraction may be different for each person.
- Sexual attraction is the desire to engage in physically or sexually intimate behavior with another person (kissing, touching, intercourse, and other forms of sexplay).
- Romantic attraction is the desire to engage in romantically intimate behavior with another person (dating, courtship, relationships, marriage).
- Emotional attraction is the desire to engage in emotionally intimate behavior with another person (sharing, confiding, trusting, providing emotional support).
Sexual attraction is also distinct from arousal and from activity or behavior.
In sex research, sexual arousal describes a physiological state marked by changes that happen in the body, measured in heartrate, brain function, and sensitivity to stimuli as well as blood flow, dilation, and sensitivity in the genitals.
Someone may experience a state of arousal with or without also experiencing sexual attraction to someone.
Attraction also does not always lead to a corresponding activity or behavior. For example, someone who is celibate may experience sexual or romantic attraction, but has chosen not to engage in sexual or romantic activities.
We stress this difference particularly in sexuality where myths and assumptions can lead to sexual aggression or violence. Sexual attraction, the physical ability to engage in sexual activity, and an individual’s willingness to engage in sexual activity are not the same thing, and one of them does not automatically imply the others. This is why communication and consent are important for our successful sexual, emotional, and romantic interactions.
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