Hello friends,
As I reflect in this blogpost-letter, I’ve decided that instead of a series of small entries, I’ll share all my thoughts in one big word-vomit-appreciation-post.
I’ve decided that my study abroad experience is a lot like learning to dance. Funnily enough, I finally learned to dance to a lot of the music I listened to growing up on this trip, thanks to a new friend… hence the easy comparison.
I think when we all started this trip, we had this sort of anxiety that comes with the all-eyes-on-me feeling. it’s a scary thing to leave the comfort of your day-to-day to join twenty other people in a three week long pursuit of travel and learning. It’s also scary to get up close and personal with someone in front of a crowd – naturally, fearing the two left feet phenomena.
And yet, even in those first few moments of dance upon landing at San Jose, I had such gentle yet enthusiastic interactions with at least two or three people, given my memory. I want to give a particular shoutout to a new friend who I bonded with on the bus ride to La Selva. Even if our conversations were short due to exhaustion, the impact you had on me is larger than maybe you realized. Sometimes a reassuring smile is all you need to get up and go into the crowd, y’know?
Suddenly, next thing you know, you’re diving head first into a flurry of arms, legs, eyes, and ears, sensations bombarding your every turn. and yet, there is pure joy. In dance, it’s the loving exchange of trust between individuals, platonic or romantic. In a research trip, it’s the “oohs and aahs” of every brand new creature and culture that comes your way. Both are beautiful shared experiences. I’m remembering now about the first time our group saw Howler monkeys. When something as simple as mother nature can bring a level of satisfaction you can’t even conceptualize, it’s important to ask why, much like the enthusiastic and jittery smiles of a first dance.
And then, just as suddenly as the joy, you realize the learning curve. In those first moments, it’s terrifying. To know that you will never know all that there is to be known? Is a terrifyingly intimidating thought, even in the simple context of a dance or a study trip. Research is something I hadn’t touched for about 4 years before this program. And truthfully, the extent of my environmental research involved creating collections of prior collected data for the remainder of my lab to evaluate their own studies with.
There were multiple times during the collection of data for our priority comparison study that stressed me out more than I realized I would be. It was difficult enough that, when my partner and I finally evaluated our results, I almost didn’t feel gratified. It sucks to admit that sometimes the things you love can leave a hole in their place when times are tougher or it’s harder to see the bigger picture. The reality is, yes, it sucked sometimes. But, we received statistical significance and executed a wonderful presentation about degrees of hope and quality of life metrics between Costa Ricans, United States citizens, ecologists, and non-ecologists.
And y’know what else? That’s awesome and all, but I think in the process of diving headfirst into such a project, the real significant results were in my understanding of myself, as well as others, and an appreciation for a new friend going forward. I am forever grateful for my survey “dance partner.” Once we both realized the extent to which we were in over our heads, instead of letting the stress of coordination get in our way, we used it as a force to keep going, and eventually to let loose on the dance floor.
That’s not to say we didn’t stumble and fall multiple times though. I can’t even remember how often my partner reassured me through the dance of studying abroad, despite my frustrations at times. There was the time we had to overhaul our whole projects, when we realized our translations weren’t accurate, when we had to revamp our survey, when we had to understand how to use Excel for the first time, when we encountered data discrepancies… A study like this takes great detail and time. It’s a scary thing to devote yourself wholly to something, but my partner made it more doable than I think she realizes.
I’d like to think that I helped her in terms of reassurance as well, but regardless, I am forever grateful. Without the support of her, my other friends, and my professors and TA, I’m not sure I ever would have been able to push myself the way I have these past three weeks, the same way one gets back up after a spill on the dance floor.
And then of course, after the learning curve comes the appreciation. It’s honestly so difficult to try and conceptualize the experience I just had in this place. As I write, I am still in Costa Rica, and it still does not feel real. Even after three weeks. It’s almost like that same adrenaline that one feels when they’re allowing their body to flow through time to music lasted 24/7, the entire time. And, I’m pretty sure this dance heavily shaped the way I want to approach my life and my goals going forward. I am so grateful for my “dance instructors,” who had the patience to help teach me about my boundaries, interests, and abilities.
I knew this would get sappy… but I never could’ve done this without anyone I’ve come into contact with these past three weeks. That fully extends all the way from the professors, to the tour guides, to the Maleku people, to the OET employees, to the citizens of Sarapiqui, and other researchers. Every face I encountered had a meaning these last few weeks it seems, and a background of which I had the privilege to appreciate. Every step and every moment felt purposeful.
I hope that one day I have the privilege of experiencing the amount of shared love on this ~ Costa Rican dance floor ~ again. Of course, the DJ will never play the same songs, we will probably frequent different dance clubs, and it will be during different times. But nonetheless, the joy and love I have experienced here is something my soul will always hold space for and seek going forward. I’m so glad to have found a happy place in so many people.
Thank you, no-longer-strangers, for everything these past few weeks. I truly wish you all happiness and fruition, riding on the backs of the shooting Monteverde stars across the sky. I hope when we look up at the sky, we will occasionally remember each other.
Much love and peace out,
Trin
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